Kalyanama??? – En Terms & Conditions Apply!!! by Anand

Blog post by Anand Kumar

These days, in many TamBrahm households, with girls of marriageable age, the parents are gripped with tension – “Ivalukku kaala kaalathula kalyanam aaguma”??? On the other side, in households with boys of marriageable age, the parents are also gripped with tension in fact more tension – “Ivanukku intha jenmathula kalyanam aaguma”??? Girls’ side – because of the many conditions the daughter is listing and boys’ side wondering if their son can ever fulfill the conditions of today’s girls. Whichever side it is – prachanai konjam gambeeram thaan!

Most of us must would remember the film ‘Manal Kayiru’ in which playwright and stage veteran Visu made his debut as a director. The film has the male protagonist played by comedian S.Ve.Shekhar laying out an elaborate list of 8 conditions which a girl must satisfy to become his wife. The director himself playing the role of a marriage broker in the pre – Tamilmatrimony/ Srutivani era lines up a girl and cons the hero into accepting her by proving that all his conditions were met. In these times of sequels, if one thinks of making Manal Kayiru – 2, one important change is called for in the script. Or rather a role reversal. Today, it has to be the female protagonist who has to dish out the conditions to be met by her potential suitor.

There was a time (Pre 2000) in the TamBrahm community when it was very fashionable for the prospective grooms in those days to have a Specification sheet for his future wife. The specs used to range from looks to education to upbringing to skills sets…  Nanna Samaika theriyanum, Kudumba Paanga irukkanum, Kalyanam aana velayai vittudanum, Nanna paada theriyanum, Bharatnatyam kathindu irukkanum

But post the IT revolution which swarmed India in general but Tambrahm community in particular, the whole situation is different. india’s IT rise has stopped the party the boys were having, on its tracks. Today, it’s the girl who call the shots.  The result is there for all of us to see nowadays.

Once the digital match happens via some matrimony.com, the parents slowly broach the subject with their daughter. “Ennadi intha payyana pidichiruka”?? And the responses start coming usually like this:

“Avan mogathila oru kalla lakshanam. Venda

“Paaka sumaara irukkaan, aana Non-IT background. Enakku sari pattu varaathu”

“Seemingly o.k, but avan companyla en friends irukka. Avaal ta check panninen. He has never got an On site so far. So….”

“He is o.k.. but kalyanam aagatha akka oruthi irukka pola irukku veetula, sari padave padathu”

He seems fine, but total CTC thaan potirukkaan. Enna Take home nnu theriyanum.

Naan avan profilea FB la check panninen… Thathu bithu nu post pannindirukkaan!! Cannot stand his sense of humour!

Sonthama Veedu innum book pannala polarukku!!

So on and so forth..

In this vadi katting, most of the cases get into the Recycle bin! (Digital cases aache)

After this microscopic scrutiny, if some case survives comes the next step of “getting to know each other” meeting.  In this meeting the girls usually come prepared with a set of conditions and questions while the boys just show up without much preparation.

The girls usually start with – “I would like to make things very clear now itself. Don’t expect me to be a wife like your Amma or Paatti”!!!

Avalavu thaan. Appave the boy konjam backfoot la!!!  But still, konjam sudharichundu, “No, no absolutely no. Go ahead”.

O.k Ennoda conditions are:

  • “We cannot be in Joint family after marriage. Even if we are in the same city, we will live separately. When we have a kid, they can stay with us so that they can have the joy of spending time with their grandchild”
  • Naan, en parentsukku ore ponnu. So I will have to take care of my parents even after marriage monetarily and emotionally. Pinnaala, no questions must be asked on this.
  • “I don’t know to cook so much. In fact I can’t cook to save my life. Will try to learn as soon as possible. In fact, I turn on the GPS as soon as I enter the house, so that I can locate the kitchen

I hope you know cooking. So that we can manage”

  • “Enna dress venna pottuppen – Modern, traditional, whatever. Decent dressing thaan”.
  • “Apparaum, will not give up my job under any circumstances after marriage. And for me my career is very important. So Onsite kadacha, I will go”
  • “Then most important, I will decide when and how many children to have”

“If these are acceptable and o.k, namma further proceed pannalaam!

The boy now having gone thro few similar routines in the past and backed out hearing the conditions, doesn’t want to miss this time.

Boy: “Yes, yes. I agree. These are very normal conditions. I support them.”

Girl: “I have a few questions for you. Kekalaama?”

“Do you smoke? I don’t like smoking and smokers”

“Do you drink?  Intha social drinker appadi, ippadinnu kathai ellam vendaam. If we get married, you will have to give up smoking, drinking…”

“And I hope there is no other excess baggage in your family. Means – apart from your Appa, Amma and your sister – there is no old athai, paati, Kollu Paati… living with you, no???”

The meeting gets over.

The boy is still in a daze. “Enna pannalaam? O.k sollalaama, Vendaama? Adutha case itha vida innum pathu conditionsoda vantha enna panrathu??”

The Girl is also in a daze. “Enna ithu, oru conditionume podala?? Maha reject caseaaa irukkumo???”

Back at the girls house – “Ennama un conditionsukellam o.k sollitaana???”

And back at the boy’s house – “Ennada, nee onnum conditions ethuvum podaliye??? O.k sollittaala??”

P.S: I read that S.Ve.Shekhar is in fact planning the sequel – Manal Kayiru – 2 with his son in the lead. I am sure that in this the conditions will be on his son!!!

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12 thoughts on “Kalyanama??? – En Terms & Conditions Apply!!! by Anand

  1. Wow… Can’t believe there’s actually a TamBrahm page. Casteism is real, I didn’t believe reading Arundhati Roy and Ambedkar at first but now I stand corrected. Damn, will Brahminism ever end? Will they let go off their power and prestige? No wonder Dalits and untouchables are protesting for emancipation. Sigh…

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  2. while it is hilarious the truth is most of the engineer /Doctor TAMBRAHM girls are getting married to NONBRAHMs .The others community will go to the extent of killing either one. But we being soft & also more worried about our girls life, accepts it ,if The Boy happens to be RICH/educated. this is one of the prime reason for good Brahmin girls being choosy. Normally by the time brahmin boys settle it will be around 27 to 29 . now girls want the age difference is also low. people can react how many of their own close relatives married NONBRAHMs..

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    1. Where are such gutsy girls in India? We visit India every year and I have yet of find them. I volunteer for an organization in the US that strives to STOP domestic violence in the South Asian community. I have come across very well qualified women that are engineers and IT personnel stuck in a very abusive relationship and is stranded in a foreign country with no job and no financial independence only to be rescued by this organization if they contact us!

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  3. Tamil brahmins have a ‘superiority’ complex per se. Especially those coming from Chennai. For them the parameters are exactly like what is stated in the blog. Looking for security is fine, but not to the point where you decide whether somebody is ok for you based on your educational background (should be an engineer, CA, etc. Just because you are one) We think too much about these things at the cost of losing good people. And the ultimate consequences are divorce or separation. Tamil iyers and iyengars, get out the misplaceD complex. You are not superior than the rest. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal.

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