TamBrahm Heartbreak by Megha

Blog post by Megha Sreeram

As I sit down to write this post, I smile the widest smile with a slight wickedness lurking somewhere at the corners of my lips. Oh! I am gonna be mercilessly teased after this post by my friends. I am referring to a very practical scenario, which has the potential to shatter blooming relationships. This aspect is actually the worst fear in every Tambrahm girl or guy. The fear that our crushes and/or lovers being from the same gotram or star.

The problem of same gotram is chronic that our adorable pullais and ponkondhais definitely pray for this to not happen. Generally, we are not allowed to marry within the same gotram, the reason being, people of the same gotram are considered to be siblings. Although there are adequate loopholes to work around this glitch, people don’t prefer to get into such muddle.

Scene-1

Friend (Guy)- *Moping about his “love failure” to me* Meg, how much ever you thrash me with your words, you will never understand the love I have for her.

Me- *All intrigued* Dei, if you have thissssssu much louves on her, why don’t you go and speak up?

Him- There is no chance of this happening, ever, Meg. Rehne De, It’s okay.

Me- *Annoyed* See, don’t give up without even trying. Whatever be the issue, it can be sorted out by dialogues between families… *all such bullshit gyaan that one is filled with during such times of distress to one’s own friends*. Understood? So get off the phone, spare me and dial her damn number and tell.

Him- This problem can’t be solved.

Me-* Apdi enna problem pathi pesindrukan* Anything can be solved.

Him- Really? We are of the same gotram.

Me- *Rightu* *Speechless*

Him- Meg! Meg! Adiye!!!

Me- Sari okay. You continue ranting da. I will listen to you. *with equally glum voice*

Scene-2

Bubbling with excitement of registering on matrimony sites, she and her amma sit together to judge the profiles that the algorithm has the audacity to throw at them. Finally after swiping up ( Not Tinder guys, relax) around 50-60 guys, the one guy she likes, she tells amma that the guy looks good and the profile seems decent. Amma is excited and calls out to appa to convey the same. Our girl, opens the detailed profile and gets the shock of her life. The guy is of the same star as she is.  Amma silent. Appa dangerously silent. Girl frustrated. Case closed.

The reason why I am highlighting this is that while it seems humorous when it happens to others, it really is annoying when it happens to us. Some of us may laugh at it and move on, while some of us may not be able to take that into our heads. This may border on the concept of accepting rejection. Just that, in this case, this is nothing personal at all. It is just not meant to be. Simple.

While we can go on and on about how to face rejection and how to not take it to heart, the fact that remains is that it does hurt. At least a little, in that unknown corner of our consciousness.

I really wish it wasn’t this complicated. I really do, to all those people who got their hopes shattered and also to my dearest friend. I see your pain now. Come let us go and pray to Ummachi with an additional line at the bottom of our usual list.

What say?

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11 thoughts on “TamBrahm Heartbreak by Megha

  1. I had a similar conversation with my grandmother and also found that there is a way around it if need be.. Turns out we are not the first generation to face this problem.. The revered household elders have a nifty trick up their sleeves, all they did was get the girls “kanyadaanam” done by their Mama’s. So the gothram changes for the girl to the mama and everyone’s happy. Yenna kalyanam thukku nu vandha pattu mami’s vaayila 2-3 laddus and kaapi and extra palaharam will stop them talking about it and avoid making a scene.

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  2. There is lunacy involved hereby a TB- thought they would use their
    learning better,
    Go and talk to a geneticist, if you plan for off springs.
    Why should sa-gotra fear extend to sub-caste restrictions? or sub-caste too?
    I married a non-Indoan, I am a TB and can tarce my genes to P B Anna, the composer of
    Kausalya Supraja Rama.
    Love is blind, follow it if you have guts, seek experts if you plan a family, not the TB site.
    Wish you my blessings, I am an octogenarian!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Is your greatest achievement the fact that you have married a foreigner (apart from, as you mention; being able to trace your genes back to PB) ? Is that why you miss no opportunity to post a comment about it?

      Liked by 1 person

    1. The original reason why this came about may have been a sound reason, Tiny clans scattered with long distances to be covered on foot, the only way they knew how to effectively keep tack of potentially common genes was to use the ‘Gothra’ marker. the problem here is that nobody knew when to draw the line as populations increased and distances became smaller due to faster transportation.

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